If you think that becoming a father is all fun and games then let me pop your bubble: you are wrong. Becoming a father is like a full-time job, the only difference being you don’t get paid for this job. You will love doing it anyway because that tiny and beautiful creature has your heart. Have a look at this list of 10 unobvious things you wish someone had told you before you became a father.
1. You Will Yearn For an Opportunity To Go To The Toilet Alone
Once you become a dad, you can say goodbye to the lock on your toilet door as it will be there only for show particularly when your kids sneak in every now and then and ask, “Dad, are you done pooping?” Furthermore, you won’t feel the need to lock the toilet door because you can’t trust these little monsters when they are left unaccompanied. But don’t worry, you will get used to this routine with time (Cries in a corner).
2. You Will Boil Up At One Point
When a baby is born, it is harmless. At least that’s what we all can agree on at that moment. Fast forward 2 years and BOOM. Your toddler is now running around the house with a bowl of yoghurt in his hands that he’s spilling everywhere he goes. At this time you might feel the urge to just leave the house or beg someone to wake you up from this dream. Soon you will realize that it’s not a dream and all you can do is close your ears and make the most of that cold coffee.
3. Goodbye Smartphone
This is a famous practice adopted by 90% of parents. Handing your phone to the little monster in an emergency might save you from the mayhem that follows but beware, once you expose them to those shark a-doo-doos there’s just no turning back. Your phone is now their property and you just can’t do anything about it. Let me give you a tip though. Try calling your phone from another one, pretend you just got a call and voila, you will have your phone back!
4. You Will Be Given Creep-Stares By Moms At The Park
Being a good father and a cooperative husband means taking your little one on random trips to the park so your wife can breathe at home while you feel relaxed because at least they’re not causing any wreckage at home! The point is, these moms, well not all of them, but some of these moms will stare at you like you have abducted a child and are pretending to play with him or her. It can get pretty rough when they can’t guess even though you visit the park regularly.
5. Your Whole Life Has Been A Lie
Once you become a dad you will realize that when it comes to good parenting, all the preaching you have done to other parents is backfiring at you. It is easy to say “Stay at home with your kids rather than taking them everywhere you go and making a mess out of it” or “Your kid has a stain on his shirt, take care of his laundry.” These phrases you have said to others will haunt you when your kids will do the same so be prepared to cry an ocean of regret.
6. 5 Minutes Are Not 5 Minutes Anymore
Life with a kid or kids is totally unpredictable. You could be laughing at their funny and cute antics at one moment and find yourself screaming your lungs out the next. Five minutes can seem like an hour or longer when you’re too close to your house but your kids are screaming in the car or crying or throwing their food around or worse, vomiting. At this stage, you will realize what you’ve really gotten yourself into.
7. No Such Thing As Too Many Toys
New parents mostly like to load their kids’ rooms with every kind of toy they can find in the market. What they don’t know is that their Mr. Small Fingers will soon be laying on the floor of malls and footpaths everywhere crying and begging you to buy them a toy they just saw. The sad part is that you have to get them their toy or else you will be getting a lot of death stares from people around you. This gives those babies an advantage and they use this tactic every single time!
8. Gifts Can Become A Curse
Say goodbye to the good old days when you used to jump up like a child when someone was about to get you a gift because this term is going to annoy the hell out of you when you become a parent. People tend to gift quilts, bed sets, baby rockers, walkers and a lot of other things that you don’t need but can’t say no to because it will be rude to say “Hey Lucy, I have 10 of these blankets, please take it away”.
9. You Become a Night Owl
No more sleeping peacefully at night. Becoming a father is a full-time job and you just have to be the hero. Nights can get especially unpredictable because that is the time when your little one will most likely throw up. In your bed. On your face. Due to this bizarre experience, your mind will start staying alert at night and you will end up being sleep deprived.
10. You Will See Yourself As A Responsible Father With Love That Is Off The Scale
Before you become a father, you will feel all excited and nervous at the same time. You are completely aware of the fact that you will love your son or daughter and will do anything for them but the moment you take that newborn in your arms is the moment that changes your life forever – for good. Their sweet smiles they share, their specific scent, everything will fascinate you and you will want to become a better person for them.